the good kinda in-between

DSC_0217D asked Sean Hathorn to make a doorframe around my flowers.  He created this magical entry.

They say that life is lived in the gap.   Between where you are & where you're going.  Between what you want & what you have.  Along the compromised tension of our most valued relationships.


I don't know, but life doesn't really feel that way to me.


I've always loved the image of a threshold.  There's an a famous illustration of Mother Mary (by Raphael, I believe) that depicts her holding a very cherubic baby Jesus on a fluffy bit of cloud.  She's not facing us.  She's facing whatever is facing her.  There is a strong sense of something before & something new.  A closer look shows that she is surrounded by a benevolent fleet of angels.


Before I go on, I'll let you know right here that I fully believe in angels.  Fairies.  Mermaids. Goodness, too.  All kinds of crazy stuff.


Isn't life just one big act of courage?  One long momentous offering of every possibility ~ as long as we choose which ones?  A face off with what's before us, an opportunity to choose our threshold?  I don't really believe we can turn our back on the past or the present.  But I do believe that the future is optimistic.  I always have.  And it's always been.


Even when I've been life-threateningly ill (twice), even when I've been ~ brace yourself ~ hundreds of thousands in debt, even when we've lost businesses & thought we'd lose our boys, there was light all around us.  We never saw it until we looked.  But once we looked, it was there.  And then we chose our lives.  If you can't tell, this is also when I usually became a we.  


And it's when I became well, we became profitable, we changed businesses & our boys turned out healthy & fine.


Fear is a lonesome thing.  Possibility, well, that's collaborative.




For New Year's we grabbed a bucket of kindling & had a family bonfire.  D & I began naming parts of the year we wanted to leave behind.  With each thing we grabbed a piece of kindling & put it in the pit.  Lake said, "Oh, man, wanting my own ipod & not getting one!"  & grabbed a huge bit of bark.  Mahal bemoaned all the times he was misunderstood.  Mekhi, infuriated that he couldn't go into the pit himself, took off his socks & threw wood all over the lawn.  It was powerful at first, then we were pretty much over it.  So we lit the fire & that was that.




Then we took turns grabbing handfuls of bird seed & singing our favorite parts of 2008.  We danced & jumped & threw them as far as we could see.  The boys loaded their fists & sang at the sky, "Thank you!!  Here you go!"  We named our loved ones & our beloved spaces.  We remembered special rhythms & mostly we thanked Spirit for our sweet Mekhi.  3 Boys!  We spread our seeds to the soil, the compost & towards the bluejays.  They thanked us & carried our wishes far & wide.




We are all at a new threshold.  I hope that yours is a worthwhile one, with angels all around you.