Dear One, 

Here we are again. Its funny how we keep meeting like this.  With this orb all crazy in the sky.  I am here and you are there and there are a million people between us feeling a million different things. Yet here we are.  Totally together.

I want these notes to land like a gift in the mail for you, like a package of surprises, wrapped up in lush velvet fabric and taped with neon pink duck tape and written in the best color magenta marker. I want them to be full of love, heat, hope, truth, and a billion permission slips for you to use your voice, your magic, your innate knowing and powers under all phases of the moon. 

I want this to land like realness in your lap. So real you can hold it and smell it and taste it. 

Because I don't want to convince you of anything.  I do not want to sell you a thing.  What I want is to offer a space where we can all learn to understand.  Eachother. Ourselves. Our cycles. Our rhythms. Our blood. Our creations. Our desires. Our essence. Or even just this perfect moment in time between words. 

This moon cycle has been intense for me.  Once again my blood came just as she was amping Herself up in fullness and show-off like ripeness. Full of juice.  And the ache and sorrow and grief and intuition and drunken darkness that comes along with that, well, it's just out of this world.  I'm sure if you are a female, you understand what I mean, its THIS BIG AND WE HAVE NO WORDS.   And then as soon the flow came, so did the power.  It was dynamic and placid all at once, like the  feminine river of all things fierce and on fire and ready and charging forward, over boulders and between canyon walls... yet with subtlties and seduction and a quiet sexy softness, holding secrets and codes and symbols and stars.  There have been moments of slowness, so slow,  that I could really see and savor what was being born through me. All the galaxies beads coming through my fingers and feet,  And then moments of utter rush, so fast and furious I couldn't stop and think and doubt so instead it was just all do.  

There is such creative madness and wonder in the force of our moons.  Our blood stories are life changing and when we notice how they align with the place of the moon, we can begin to name and map and plan them out, not totally, but in our own way. We begin to understand those who released before us, who bleed, who gave birth, who carried on life.  The moon, our connection to her, is our connection to the entire motherline- of past, present and future. I seek to know and understand that connection in profound ways. 

Above seeking desire, or pleasure, or bliss, or abundance or freedom... I actually seek to understand.  To understand everything about myself, how I work, how i create, how I love, how i have been loved, where i am from and where i am going. I seek understanding of everything in the Universe.  This is my dream.  My ultimate desire. Understanding of my own intuition. And then totally knowing I can never know anything anyway.  It's a deliciously perfect mash-up. 

This is why I always try not to say "this is what this moon is about, or we should do this on this moon, etc".  I've talked about it before.  In here I think. I am careful about placing this feminine force of time keeping inside a masculine structure.  The moon cannot fit in definition.  The moon is personal.  The moon is all yours. When we try and package it and sell it as information we are just a moon in emperors clothing.  Sometimes it can be useful.  But other times it can just feel like the truth wrapped in a lie.

So look to yourself.  This is the way of the moon. 

What do you make of it this time around?

How has it made you feel?  How has your body felt?  What did your creative cycle look like? Your sleep? Your mood? What did you want to eat? Did you want to see people? Or stay within yourself?  These are the things we map with the moon.  These are the ways we know our moon.  This is how we know our womb. 

For me, this moon was fire.  It's called the Strawberry Moon- the full moon of the month of June. But my name for it was:  Arrow On Fire Moon.  I was so present. So ready. It was full in the sign of Sagittarius, which is my sun sign, The Archer. The huntress.  I slept up until it began to get bigger and the blood became present and then the bow and arrow landed in my hand, I was up and ready, the fire came, and fuck if I didn't shoot about 100 bulls eyes   I wrote my ass off for days until my eyeballs bleed.  And just played with a lot of dreams. I dreamed. I wrote. I dreamed. I convinced myself to believe. I got big. Really big. As big as Her. 

Finally I decided to do something I have been meaning to do for 17 years.  And I am telling you, my secret little moon crew, because I think if I show up here, you will hold me to this.  PLEASE HOLD ME TO THIS. 

I've been working on little things here and there.  2 week courses.  E-books. Fun stuff.  But nothing that felt like fully The Work- you know- that really hot path you know you want to walk.  So about 17 years ago I had a vision of me walking on foreign soil looking for my grandmothers at ancient temples in their old country.  And this past week I decided it was time to do just that.  I am going to write the book.  And to write it I have to go to travel to the places where my grandmothers, whom I never met, were born and raised and worshiped the moon.  I have to find them in the soil, in the plants, in the people and in the food.  I have to find my grandmothers. I have to know my blood.I have to dig for my roots and hold them in my hands. 

I have to tell their stories.  Their stories are asking to be heard.  

So there is that.  And for the next 8 months I have to raise the money and outline the book + the plan and map my voyage out.  I have to get over the guilt of leaving my kids for 3-4 weeks two different times.  I have to be okay with working hard at making this happen and letting them eat toast for dinner because I am doing my work. I have to be okay with piles of laundry and letting a lot of other creative things go. I have to believe in this. In myself. In the story. In the vision. I have to dive straight into the eyes of all my fears and doubts- because holy hell there are sure a ton of them- and i have to say" hi, i see you fear and doubt, but you can't stop me."  I feel like I am finally stepping into something big enough, essential enough, powerful enough for me to make it a priority. I feel like for a long time I have been building little, sweet creative shacks.  But now is the time I built this fucking mansion.  I am gonna need a lot of bricks. Or straw. I prefer a straw bale mansion. 

So. Yeah. That is the power of this moon for me.  

The next moon, well maybe it will just slam me on the grass and hold me down for 2 days straight and make me drink lemon milkshakes.  Maybe it will make me want to cry the entire time and read magazines.  I don't know.  But I know that I trust it.  I trust what it does to me and what I chose to do under it.  I have to trust this moon. The visions. And the arrow that knows exactly where to aim. Aim high. And aim true. 

Trust it.  Trust you. Trust your moon.  Trust this moon, her light, her glow, her compass, her song.  Allow yourself to be pulled and pushed in anyway you want and make sure you know that there is no other way to go. Go whatever way you must go. Eyes open. 

I trust you. I see you.  And I believe in every move you make, that it's for your highest good.  It's for Love. 

What else was I going to say? 

Oh, I found this amazing quote within this essay about this full moon. 

"We can’t understand something just because we read it in a book. We understand something because we have travelled that road and lived to tell the tale. We have to earn the wisdom we seek and we earn it by sincerely, whole-heartedly showing up for the events that unfold in the process.

We live in a time where everyone has read the books, done the courses and travelled to the places. We live in a time where too many people claim to be The Authority on spiritual well-being and The Expert on living the life of your dreams. 

As if faith could be bought. As if you could “get” Goddess in a 6-week tele-summit, a flower essence, or shipped to you in 4-6 business days. We live in a time of mono-cropping meaning. The logos are everywhere. The Kool-aid is being guzzled at alarming rates.

But purple drink won’t save you and neither will your yoga bag of good feelings."
full article here

<<<<THIS>>> this is what I am talking about<<< TRAVEL YOUR OWN ROAD AND LIVE TO TELL YOUR TALE.  Don't take my word for it. Take your word for it.  Don't do my rituals.  Do your own.  You can't buy or sell trust.  You can only cultivate it by practicing it.  Practice tonight. PRACTICE TRUSTING YOUR GUT> its the most intelligent force you've got. Enjoy this moon, however it's light spills across your lap. Drink it up. yum. 

* * * 
Okay, moving on.  It's totally time to give you the recipe for my Full Moon Balls! BALLS! I love BALLS {i am telling you this lunar energy, for me, this time around..totally not "sacred and lush and holy and gentle" it's totally BALLS OUT WHACKADOOO. ITS CRAZYTIME over in my land. And I LOVE IT. It feels like ME.} 

1 cup blanched almond flour 
1 cup shredded coconut
6 pitted dates 
lots of sea salt 
a squeeze of honey 
{put this all in a food processor and whiz until kinda smooth}
then add about 1/4 cup coconut oil + a dash of vanilla 
Whiz some more.
Form balls. 
sprinkle with more salt
store in 'fridge or freezer. 
totally sweet little raw junk food.
i call it pick me ups for creatives.  while you are making, painting, writing, welding... eat these.  You'll totally start to spin. 

* * * 
and finally, i wanted to share some links to some published pieces i wrote this month:::

You're So Rock-n-Roll {its all bad ass when we are feeling the feelings
onnection + Creation {make good stuff with people you love}
Simple Full Moon Ritual For Kids {easy, easy, easy magic and memories} 
Creation Story {a fun video that talks the story of the first 7 Major Arcana cards in the tarot deck}


What am I doing to honor this evening? Well I am writing to you.  The fire is lit in the hearth because it got all gold and rainy again today. I am drinking a lot of water to balance this fire, this burn, this energy.  I got an amazing candle the other day made by a local witch, called Magic Hour Candle, and I am taking a bath with salt and jasmine oil.  

* * * 
What are you doing tonight? And for the next couple days while the energy is still full? Listen to you body, your twinges and sparks, your whispers and your screams. Listen to them.  How can you understand them better? How can you feed them well or maybe even let them go? 

Happy Moon. May we be blessed with more understanding of all that is.  
May each of us be flow with ease and health. 
May we be filled with spiritual and material abundance. 
May all beings be free everywhere. 

All my love, heat, and crazy hope for a world we know is possible..... 

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