When everything becomes fuzzy and returns to its essential nature...
I’ve been gathering and gathering the seeds falling from the pines, pinyon nuts, daily. I’ve been shaking loose the fragrant fruits of juniper. I’ve been shaking the fuzzy branches of Rabbitbush as I pass them on my walks, to loose those winged seeds flying. I have been pulling on the browned tops of vervain and sprinkling the tiny little seeds along my daily trails. I harvested my precious Robins Egg Navajo maize after the tall stalks turned brown and dry.
Tis the season of seeds, forming, falling, flying. Storing the most essential nature of the plants intelligence, its soul directive. And within each seed, tiny or large, is the abundant substance to sustain the seed through winter, and then sprout it into the damp earth and stretch upward toward the sun.
Plants have no doubts or questions about their purpose, their shape, their unique imprint to live out in and through the world. Though there are many individuals within one species of plant, each one grows in its own unique way. And its message and its potential is stored within that seed.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my soul purpose in this life, and how for much of our early years we are busy creating a life, doing the deeds to make a living, raise the kids, or fit in with our chosen community. (Even if all these things are aligned for us) At some point, life, spirit, our soul, runs into that season, when things begin to solidify, or go totally fuzzy, sometimes both at the same time. We arrive at this season of autumn, of beginning to turn to the downward, inward, earthward, soul journey. This season of our lives, or even just of the year, asks us to let go, strip down all that extra stuff in place to create what we call our life, and return to our essence, our soul essence. The SEED of who we are and what we are here to do.
The last weeks, and if I’m honest, the last year has a been a long journey to return to my essence and true nature. To learn to let go of the trappings I’ve created for my ego - to feel valued, appreciated, safe - all the roles, all the identifications, all the shoulds, even some of the dreams and hopes I’ve held on to for my life.
What is my essence beyond my work as an herbalist? What is my nature beyond the biophysical drive to partner and mother? What is my soul directive to express in the world in this lifetime?
A few days ago I found a pinyon nut that had fallen to the soil, cracked open and sprouted. A tiny little mini pine tree sprout, perfect, with each cell knowing exactly how to express itself, toward the earth and toward the sun. The seed providing the impetus and the nourishment and then, cracking open to express itself. It seemed out of season, but it spoke to me deeply.
I keep picking up all these seeds, thinking about letting go of how and what I’ve been blooming my energy into, and becoming the pure potential of the next season, and deeper expression of my soul.
Go, and find some seeds. Acorns, or hazelnuts, or corn, or pinyon, or sunflower or tiny mustard seed. Gather them. Ask them to speak to you. Each completely unique, a package of unique genetic expression. Speak to different kinds of seeds. What does the sunflower say? And what does the acorn say? The tiny poppy seed vs the corn kernel?
What can the seeds tell you about your essential nature? What does the season of fuzzy falling seeds tell you about letting go of what your ego has created?
When you sit in silence in nature, watching all this, what message does your soul speak to you? What is the SEED within you, begging to break open and express in this world your gift?
It may not have anything to do with your work or your roles, or your current hopes and dreams.
Take these seeds to your bed, place them all in a little pouch and wear them around your neck. Ask the seeds to teach the seed within you. Ask for these soul directives to reveal in dreams.
If it feels scary, or makes you want to cry, or asks more than you think you have, you may be onto something.
I don’t think this is something that necessarily happens in an instant, or even one season. I’ve been stripping down for a few years, letting go of things, piece by piece, and feel as if I’m only just beginning to see and sense the essential seed nature within me, waiting to be expressed. But it is enough, as we move into the new moon, that I’ve made a new commitment, an investment, and a promise to my soul, to each day move closer and toward this essential soul expression.
What step can you engage to move toward your soul and essential nature?